The Uncanny Thought

Am I the only one? Hope I am not!

I wonder if people belonging to my age group (especially ladies)…are also moved by an ‘uncanny thought’ whenever they browse through facebook.

I don’t know how do I say it…but It’s raining weddings: P Almost every week I see wedding pictures of at least two of my Facebook friends, in various kaleidoscopic combinations, hanging on their facebook walls. After a minute of curiosity about who is marrying whom, these pictures often trigger ‘the uncanny thought’ in my mind and that moment it seems like a huge black hole is expanding around me and I, in its center, am sinking down in it.

One part of my brain nods to the passing thought that says, “Marriage is still a distant destination, come on! You are still a kid”, the same moment the other part shouts, “Shut up, idiot, you must now start thinking of being center figure in pictures, such as these”. Whenever the thought crosses my mind, an air of uneasiness disturbs me…and this uneasiness has become my nagging companion ever since I heard my parents discussing about my marriage.

Having hit an age which my family, correction –my extended clan, thinks is appropriate to begin groom hunt, I am advancing closer to the stage what they call- ‘to be married’.  The signs have already started emerging with my relatives asking me about it. Having not found my ‘Prince Charles’ on my own, I have landed in a situation where my parents, relatives, family friends, sibling have decided to take it into their own hands to find me a perfect husband. Doesn’t it sound ‘uncanny’, in today’s world, to marry a total stranger? Many questions pop out of my imagination like dragons...and I silently battle them.

I noticed my Dad registering information when a family friend narrated the success story of finding a ‘good’ bride for his son from shaadi.com, an online matrimony portal. Now this really annoys me, I wish such a thing should be publicly declared an outlaw. In a culture like ours, where institution of marriage is believed to be a long term relationship, for life, we simply can’t experiment to choose the better half- to-be by a mouse click.  A few days back, I received a post on WhatsApp which talked about a matrimony portal named “IIM-IIT matrimony”. I understand it’s a convention in our society that intellectual level (or education level) of the two individuals should match, but isn’t it the height of nonsense to make it the sole criterion to marry. Some Uncles and Aunts  who have ventured into providing voluntary groom/bride finding services, really irk me.Heck ! I was talking to a friend about her wedding and prospective husband. She told the account of how they selected the ‘perfect groom’ for her. For a moment I thought, if they have started opening up outlets with prospective grooms/brides from different regions, different heights, different sectors of work, different languages & whatever!! Can you imagine someone asking you “Ma’am what kind of groom would you like to have. You can choose from our different packs supreme, deluxe, super-deluxe….whatever!!!.” Anyway, I concluded, though our friends & relatives mean good for us, it complicates things all the more.

It’s been ten years now, ever since I left my home for higher studies and career. I think, I have moved into a different social milieu from my parents, so it would be pretty difficult for them to find someone I would have independently chosen, but I have gotten tired of fighting the ‘dragons’(read uncanny thoughts), now.

I am neither a big fan of arranged marriage (for they are too loaded on guy’s side) nor love marriage (for my parents might not approve of the person because of something like caste, culture, home town…whatever).  Seeing the paucity of time, finding ‘Prince Charles’ on my own is a herculean and risky task as I am looking for a Mahatma-Gandhi-Profile, as my friends call it. If I apply a filter query on the database of men on earth(filters being nationality, education, religion, caste, culture, hometown, job, frequency of consuming alcohol, affinity for cigarettes,  nature, appearance, height, weight, family background…and what not!!), I will be left with a very little sample space to choose from(probably less than 0.05% of the database).  So I have given in to allowing them to start the groom hunt. It is really comforting that my parents are actually pretty nice about this, taking each other’s opinions as well as of friends and well-wishers and not to mention my own.

I must admit, mere imagination of life being turned upside down with the strangest kind of uncertainty, coerced me to delay the process of finding ‘the perfect husband’. But now, holding the dragons tied, seems very difficult. Marriage means change. It means new people, new life style, new patterns. For a girl who lives in this age it’d be all the more difficult. The change is inevitable but I wish it can be delayed or comes subtly.Well, ‘Hope’ is the hope I have, Hoping that my life will not change irreversibly, hoping that I will still follow my dreams, hoping to never stop being the daughter my parents know me to be, hoping that destiny takes serendipitous turn, hoping  clouds of uncertainties stop hovering.

Finally, amidst apprehension, uncertainty, fun of discussing unknown people's qualifications, fury of wasting time, I adjudge, marriage is a hard nut to crack. Society surely does blow up the things and make it all difficult to get along. So I have decided, Henceforth, I will smile hard on the so-called concerned uncles & aunties and also on my so-happily married friends and stay cool and of course will keep writing :)