Papa one day I will make you proud one day 

I know you will say, “it’s fine” but it’s not.....This time again I failed....I don’t know  what heinous crime I might have committed in previous births. I remember a Punjabi song... Hai ve rabba main kehda tera ilachiyaan da khet ujadeya....(Litral translation says, God!  when did I destroy your cardamom gardens)......Who knows what destiny has in store for me. But at this moment, feelings are ineffable.

I don’t know why luck is so impertinent to me. My confidence was contagious a few hours ago...and see now(let me not begin with that).The inclement thoughts going on in my head are almost fatal. May be this is a temporary fixation....but I will rise again. I promise I will.

Despite everything going wrong, I have held forbearance firmly. I remember when I was a kid, in a soothing winter sun, you sat and expounded your views on the virtues of hard work and diligence . I have lived up to this principle and have always been assiduous and kept the fighting spirit alive.

How do I placate...somebody please delineate how do I ameliorate after-effects of failure. I saw fish’s eye like Arjun but what do I do if it did hit its belly. Or I should accept It was not my cup of tea and should leave it for others. I may not be adept performer like others but I have the courage to stand again. I saw on my friend’s wall (not FB wall), a quote written, and thought it was funny to write on the wall  but now I know its purpose. The quote was ‘Arise awake and stop not till the goal is reached- Swami Vivekananda)’. Most abhorrent situation is when people make conciliatory statements with dejecting facial expressions. I am used to living with can-of-worms. Now I want stability, calmness, peace, patience in my life. I hope Dear God, my this wish does not cause any bustle and is in harmony with your rules and policies. Dear God please accept my abject apology if I have been acerbic .

Consider me like an iceberg for now, for only a quarter of my ability is discernible.....Papa I will prove my worth. I promise I will make you proud one day :)


PS : This piece of text was written under specific circumstances.This was a temporary fixation.