I know you will say, “it’s fine” but it’s not.....This time
again I failed....I don’t know what
heinous crime I might have committed in previous births. I remember a Punjabi
song... Hai ve rabba main kehda tera
ilachiyaan da khet ujadeya....(Litral translation says, God! when did I destroy your cardamom
gardens)......Who knows what destiny has in store for me. But at this moment,
feelings are ineffable.
I don’t know why luck is so impertinent to me. My confidence
was contagious a few hours ago...and see now(let me not begin with that).The
inclement thoughts going on in my head are almost fatal. May be this is a temporary
fixation....but I will rise again. I promise I will.
Despite everything going wrong, I have held forbearance
firmly. I remember when I was a kid, in a soothing winter sun, you sat and expounded
your views on the virtues of hard work and diligence . I have lived up to this
principle and have always been assiduous and kept the fighting spirit alive.
How do I placate...somebody please delineate how do I
ameliorate after-effects of failure. I saw fish’s eye like Arjun but what do I
do if it did hit its belly. Or I should accept It was not my cup of tea and
should leave it for others. I may not be adept performer like others but I have
the courage to stand again. I saw on my friend’s wall (not FB wall), a quote
written, and thought it was funny to write on the wall but now I know its purpose. The quote was ‘Arise
awake and stop not till the goal is reached- Swami Vivekananda)’. Most
abhorrent situation is when people make conciliatory statements with dejecting
facial expressions. I am used to living with can-of-worms. Now I want
stability, calmness, peace, patience in my life. I hope Dear God, my this wish
does not cause any bustle and is in harmony with your rules and policies. Dear
God please accept my abject apology if I have been acerbic .
Consider me like an iceberg for now, for only a
quarter of my ability is discernible.....Papa I will prove my worth. I promise
I will make you proud one day :)PS : This piece of text was written under specific circumstances.This was a temporary fixation.
